It must be bad. A Shell oil drilling rig named the ‘Kulluk’ slammed into the Alaska coastline prompting a ‘unified command center’ to invade the Anchorage Marriot with hundreds of persons each day to coordinate the response to this disaster. It prompted US Representative Ed Markey (D-MA), the top Democrat on the Natural Resources committee to release a statement saying: “Oil companies keep saying they can conquer the Arctic, but the Arctic keeps disagreeing with the oil companies…Drilling expansion could prove disastrous for this sensitive environment.”

Enough of this drivel and spin, lets get a little perspective on this incident. What really happened? A vessel that was being towed broke loose from the tug boat and was finally grounded on a sand/gravel beach on Sitkalidak Island (near Kodiak Island) during a series of strong North Pacific storms about four days later. No diesel, hydraulic fluid or any other hydrocarbon escaped from the Kulluk. In fact, if this was not an oil rig, it would have been a one sentence mention buried in the national news section on the day it went aground.

These are the facts, so why all the fuss? In the words of Chicago’s Mayor and Obama’s BFF Rahm Emmanuel: “Never let a crisis go to waste.” Of course this applies in a non-crisis as long as one can convince the masses a crisis exists.

Could there have been a bigger problem if diesel fuel or oil leaked? Of course, but it didn’t. This was not a rig drilling in an arctic environment when it broke loose in a storm. This was a vessel secured for transport and being transported not in the Arctic, but the North Pacific. This incident occurred 800 miles away from the Bering Strait, the Southernmost part of the Arctic Ocean in Alaska. That is approximately the same distance New York City is away from Jacksonville, Florida. This past summer the Kulluk had been exploring in the Beaufort Sea many hundreds of mile farther north than the Bering Strait. For Representative Markey (or is it “Malarkey?”) to even refer to this as an Arctic environment is at best ignorance, and more like just a bald face lie.

Heck, this large storm that produced wind gusts to 70 KT and seas of 35 ft (and swells to 50 ft) the night this towed vessel went aground was a warm North Pacific storm. It was rain that fell during the whole time from the initial engine failure on the tug boat (the tow cable later broke) through the time the vessel went aground. And no, Rep Malarkey, it is not global warming. This part of the Pacific never freezes and it is normal for the precipitation to be rain there.

Now let’s take a look at the part of Markey’s statement that says “Drilling expansion could prove disastrous for this sensitive environment.” Let’s state the obvious again: THIS OIL RIG WAS NOT DRILLING! It was being transported from Dutch Harbor to Seattle across the North Pacific ocean. This could have just as easily happened along Vancouver island and this geographically-challenged clown would probably still proclaim this as being an Arctic incident.

Following this ‘sensitive environment’ logic, the environment in the North Pacific is so sensitive that no tow barges or even cargo ships should be allowed to traverse the great circle route between North America and Asia. No supplies to any Alaska coastal communities by barge since the environment too ‘sensitive.’ Pure Malarkey!

Back to Shell now. Why have they put on such a show in the Mariott? For show. This could easily be handled in a large conference room somewhere, but it would not display how concerned they are. They must play the game and show their contrition to the Obama administration lest their leases in the Arctic be revoked. Logic says that assistance from the Coast Guard, the Alaska Marine Pilot Association, and a few other groups is prudent to ensure the Kulluk can be transported to safe harbor, but this is ridiculous.

Why does it matter? Because a large number of these command-center participants are federal government employees from government agencies working on YOUR tax dollar to attend this show. Is this really a good use of tax dollars?

Shell has spent $292 million dollars since 2006 getting the Kulluk modified and set up for work in the Arctic ocean and they want a return on this investment. No problem in that. It was also money well spent as there was not a drop of oil or diesel that spilled from the Kulluk. Naval architects have inspected it and found the fuel tanks intact and proclaimed it “sound and fit to tow.” Should they have known better that to try a weeks long tow from Dutch Harbor to Seattle in December across the treacherous North Pacific? Probably, but that is admittedly said in hindsight.