In order to “engender empathy and understanding for people whose stories veer from the traditional, societally enforced narratives,” online magazine Mother told the story of Spencer Dezart-Smith and husband Kelly Dezart-Smith, both of whom identify as queer.
Thing is, Spencer is transgender and underwent hormone therapy and a double mastectomy over a decade ago and has “presented as 100% male ever since,” the magazine said, adding that Spencer specifically “identifies as a queer male.” . . .
Spencer told the magazine getting pregnant wasn’t under consideration prior to gender transitioning, but “now that I felt so strong in my male identity and was being read as male exclusively, I was able to view my ability to carry a child as a super power that I was blessed to have. It was like the innately female ability to bear a child didn’t overpower the certainty I felt in my male identity. The two things could coexist without one cancelling out the other.” . . .
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"I have always wanted to be a parent. I think when I was dating women as a woman I didn’t want to be the gestational parent but I still wanted very much to have a family. I couldn’t imagine the idea of carrying a child. The whole thing felt way too feminine to me. I think I was trying so hard to reject the feminine parts of myself that I couldn’t even entertain the thought. Strangely enough, after my transition I began to change my perspective. Now that I felt so strong in my male identity and was being read as male exclusively, I was able to view my ability to carry a child as a super power that I was blessed to have. It was like the innately female ability to bear a child didn’t overpower the certainty I felt in my male identity. The two things could coexist without one cancelling out the other." -Spencer Dezart-Smith, a pregnant father-to-be, who is sharing his journey on #mothermag (📷: @peter_ds)
Spencer had to stop hormone treatment that offered “confidence and security of his identity” and proved “at times excruciatingly difficult,” Mother added.
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"To be honest, I didn’t always want to be a parent. I’m pretty radical in my thinking and thought for a long time that children and marriage supported patriarchal systems. I now realize that the system was also designed to make me think that I wasn’t worthy of raising children or being married. The system made me think of myself as unfit for either of those conventions. But the reality is, I can be radical in my thinking, want to dismantle the patriarchy, be married, and have a child. All those things can exist simultaneously and do exist in me. I also think my desire to be a parent evolved and grew deeper as my relationship with Spencer grew. Spence is the kindest, gentlest, and most nurturing man I’ve ever known, and our home reflects that energy. It’s the home I’ve always wanted to be brought up in and now get to live in." -Kelly Dezart-Smith, whose husband, Spencer, is pregnant with their first child. (📷: @peter_ds)
(Read more from “Biological Woman Who Identifies as ‘Queer Male’ Says Desire to Get Pregnant Hit Only After Hormone-Aided Transition to ‘Male'” HERE)