Norwegians Discover Way to Defeat American Marines Using Bacon and Small Children

/0 Comments/in , /by

Hilarious (and presumably true) tale spotted at Reddit and authored by 1nf1del (caution: strong language):

In the U.S. Marines, doing a mock war in the Norwegian city of Trondheim with the Dutch, Germans and other allies, training in urban combat. My infantry unit was positioned in a large soccer field next to an elementary school. Keep in mind there was no actual combat, even simulated; it was mostly just practicing maneuvers and tactics. But we still looked out of place with weapons and gear, etc. It’s f***ing February. In Norway. Cold as balls. Snow up to our knees. Norway obviously has no snow days, so the kids were all in school.

Anyway, so Norway has this most delicious and amazing delicacy, I have no idea what it’s called, but it’s basically a bacon-wrapped hot dog; we just assumed it was called Candy of the Lord. As Americans we were naturally and instantly addicted. You find them at gas stations, and there just happened to be one on the other side of the school where we were camped. A few of my fellow Marines and I requested permission to go to the gas station and we set out on our way.

We made it to right about where the main entrance of the school was, and the doors opened; school was out. There were only a few kids, probably 6 or 7 years old. Lots of talking and laughing. Gawking at us as we walked by, with our guns and huge ridiculous snow suits. One precocious little bugger made shooting noises at us. We made shooting noises back.

And then someone in my group. I don’t know who. God help me I don’t know who…
Someone threw a snowball and hit a little girl in the leg.

And those little Norwegian children unleashed hell.

There was a shrill cry in unintelligible Norseman and the doors to the school burst open. School children flooded out like a never-ending flood of something that never ends. Screeching, smiling, sprinting – how the f*** were they sprinting?? – little bastards were slinging snowballs faster than the laws of physics should allow. It was like that movie Elf. If you can imagine riding in a fast car in a snowstorm and sticking your head out the window. Now imagine the snowflakes that are hitting your face are the size of snowballs. We couldn’t f***ing see. We couldn’t run. We could barely breathe. Holy f***….

We tried to return fire and threw one, maybe two half-packed, shitty snowballs that fell apart in the air, arms flailing like drunk octopi. I am from Texas. We were a unit stationed in North Carolina. We were so outmatched and out of our element, it only made them laugh harder. We were cutoff from our main forces. We tried to perform a flanking maneuver but f*** me they were fast. I think some of them were throwing rocks!

My comrades. I could see them speed waddling in their huge suits back to camp like a f***ed up pair of white Teletubbies, under withering fire. f*** tactics, f*** me, f*** the Candy of the Lord, this was survival! I was the slow one in the group. My snowboots were too big but they were the smallest size they had at Issue g**dammit!! My Marines left me behind.

I tried pulling my hood over my head and keeping my head down. No longer content to pelt my defenseless body with ballistic snow, the enemy swarmed me and dragged me down, cackling like a pack of hyenas descending on a wildebeest. I tried to sling them off by spinning. I came out of one of my boots and fell. I began to scream and plead for them to stop but they neither understood nor gave a single Nordic f***. They literally pinned me down with about five kids on each limb. It was then that I actually thought – oh shit. I’m really in trouble. My snow-mittens were ripped off and flung into trees. They started shoving snow down my suit. Have you ever had anyone drop an ice cube down your shirt?

Well now imagine someone shoveling handfuls of ice cubes down your shirt. It literally shocked the breath out of my body.

They left me laying like a Family Guy accident victim. Moaning and screaming in the cold. Rifle packed with snow and dirt. Boot buried some-f***ing-where. They ran away laughing, jabbering in their crazy language. I lay there trying to figure out just what in the great American f*** had happened.

TL;DR – Norwegians discover way to defeat American Marines using bacon and small children.

LPT -don’t ever, ever get in a snowball fight with Norwegian school kids.

TIL – there are more names for shoving snow down peoples’ clothes than should be reasonably expected.

EDIT – Wow. Thanks for the GOLD and thanks for all the kind words! You guys rock. Glad I could make you laugh with my inadequacies. hahahaha. Worst snowfighters ever.

EDIT EDIT Candy of the Lord= baconpølse, and yes – it was filled with cheese! Very important detail that I left out. Sorry.

(For more from the author of “Norwegians Discover Way to Defeat American Marines Using Bacon and Small Children” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

Bangladesh Attack Shows Depth of Country’s Extremist Problems

/0 Comments/in , /by

As Bangladesh comes to grip with the horrific terrorist attack July 1 at a café in an upscale neighborhood in Dhaka, the Sheikh Hasina government must focus on shutting down local Islamist militant groups and cooperating closely with U.S. authorities to determine whether the terrorists had operational links to global groups.

The attack, which involved a 12-hour hostage siege, left at least 20 hostages and two Bangladeshi security personnel dead. The victims included nine Italian, seven Japanese, one Indian, two Bangladeshi, and one U.S. citizen of Bangladeshi origin. Three of the victims were students at U.S. colleges.

According to media reports, the six attackers were all Bangladeshi, and five of them were individuals the local police had tried to arrest previously. The attackers had asked the hostages to recite verses from the Koran, and those who could not were brutally tortured and killed, according to survivors of the ordeal.

In the last three years, religious extremists in Bangladesh have stepped up their attacks, systematically murdering liberal bloggers, writers, professors, and activists, as well as members of the minority Hindu community.

The attacks appear aimed at silencing free speech and Islamizing Bangladeshi society.

There also appears to be competition between terrorists claiming allegiance to al-Qaeda and those associating with the Islamic State (ISIS). The Bangladeshi authorities arrested several members of a local terrorist group, Jamaat-ul-Mujahideen Bangladesh, in 2015 for making or attempting to make contact with ISIS.

In another sign of its growing interest in Bangladesh, ISIS recently published a five-page article titled, “The Revival of Jihad in Bengal,” in its flagship magazine “Dabiq,” which warned of further attacks against Westerners in Bangladesh.

Al-Qaeda has also turned more of its attention to Bangladesh in recent years. In September 2014, when al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri launched its South Asia wing (al-Qaeda in the Indian Subcontinent), Zawahiri released a video that assured Muslims in India, Bangladesh, and Burma that the organization would help “rescue” them from injustice and persecution.

In January 2014, Zawahiri released an audio message calling on Bangladeshis to rise up against the state.

The Hasina government has blamed previous extremist attacks on the political opposition. But given the demonstrated ISIS and al-Qaeda interest in Bangladesh, it does not make sense for the Bangladeshi government to dismiss out of hand any connections of the attacks to global terrorist movements.

The July 1 attack was a planned and coordinated event that was at least inspired by ISIS ideology, although ISIS operatives may or may not have directed the attack. Either way, it is clear that Bangladesh has a serious Islamist extremist problem on its hands, and simply blaming the political opposition is not an acceptable response.

Moving forward, the U.S. must insist on fully transparent and joint investigations of this and previous attacks to determine any potential global linkages and how the terrorist networks can be crushed.

Hasina deserves credit for emphasizing the secular principles of the country’s founding. However, her government must now focus on putting into place the security measures necessary to protect those who want to uphold these principles. (For more from the author of “Bangladesh Attack Shows Depth of Country’s Extremist Problems” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

Pope Benedict Says ‘Gay Lobby’ Tried to Influence the Vatican

/0 Comments/in , /by

Newly released information written by Pope Emeritus Benedict has details of an alleged “gay lobby” he says tried to influence decisions at the Vatican.

Benedict is set to release a book titled “The Last Conversations,” in Italian on September 9. An Italian newspaper was able to access certain excerpts from the book and ran an article about some of the contents. “The Last Conversations” will be the first time a pope has ever judged his own pontificate after the fact.

Benedict’s papacy ended with his resignation — the first pope in six centuries to do so –and he has claimed he did so freely, without coercion. However, in the book, he speaks of a “powerful” gay lobby at the Vatican, and how he worked to dismantle it. According to The Guardian, these men “had their sexuality in common but worked together for their own ends rather than pushing the cause of gay believers.”

During his time as pope, Benedict denounced gay marriage, calling it a “manipulation of nature,” as well as threat to the foundation of society, the family. Official Church teaching maintains that homosexual acts are “intrinsically disordered,” and argues for the compassionate treatment of gay individuals.

After he resigned in 2013, Benedict vowed to remain “hidden to the world.” He acknowledged that his body and mind were no longer strong enough to hold a position of power and took up residence in a former convent inside the Vatican. Since then, he’s dedicated his time to reading and writing. He also kept a journal during his papacy, but said he plans on destroying it.

The current pope, Pope Francis, recently made news concerning comments he made apologizing to gays on behalf of the Catholic Church. “After many hours of prayer and various consultations, I’ve realized that mere apologies do not constitute appropriate repentance for the Catholic Church’s many sins … I think that the Church not only should apologize … to a gay person whom it offended, but it must also apologize to the poor as well…,” he said. (For more from the author of “Pope Benedict Says ‘Gay Lobby’ Tried to Influence the Vatican” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

Islamist Militants Kill 20 Hostages in Bangladesh Restaurant Attack, 13 More Rescued by Commando Raid

/0 Comments/in , /by

At least seven Islamic terrorists attacked an upscale restaurant in the diplomatic quarter of Bangladesh’s capital Friday night, killing 20 people and taking more than a dozen others hostage before confronting authorities in a 10-hour long standoff.

Early Saturday, a Bangladeshi commando raid supported by armored vehicles resulted in the deaths of at least six attackers and the capture of a seventh. Thirteen hostages were rescued. Two police officers were killed in an earlier gun battle with the militants.

The Islamic State (ISIS) group claimed responsibility for the attack on the Holey Artisan Bakery in Dhaka’s Gulshan area, according to the SITE Intelligence Group, which monitors jihadist activity online. The ISIS-affiliated Amaq news agency posted photos purportedly showing the bodies of hostages, though their authenticity could not be immediately confirmed.

Bangladesh Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina condemned the attack in a nationally televised speech, vowing to fight militant attacks in the country and urging people to come forward with information . . .

At a news conference, Army Brigadier General Naim Asraf Chowdhury said most of the victims had been killed with sharp weapons on Friday night. (Read more from “Islamist Militants Kill 20 Hostages in Bangladesh Restaurant Attack, 13 More Rescued by Commando Raid” HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

Law Enforcement Sources: Gun Used in Paris Terrorist Attacks Came From Phoenix

/0 Comments/in , /by

One of the guns used in the November 13, 2015 Paris terrorist attacks came from Phoenix, Arizona where the Obama administration allowed criminals to buy thousands of weapons illegally in a deadly and futile “gun-walking” operation known as “Fast and Furious.”

A Report of Investigation (ROI) filed by a case agent in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco Firearms and Explosives (ATF) tracked the gun used in the Paris attacks to a Phoenix gun owner who sold it illegally, “off book,” Judicial Watch’s law enforcement sources confirm. Federal agents tracing the firearm also found the Phoenix gun owner to be in possession of an unregistered fully automatic weapon, according to law enforcement officials with firsthand knowledge of the investigation.

The investigative follow up of the Paris weapon consisted of tracking a paper trail using a 4473 form, which documents a gun’s ownership history by, among other things, using serial numbers. The Phoenix gun owner that the weapon was traced back to was found to have at least two federal firearms violations—for selling one weapon illegally and possessing an unregistered automatic—but no enforcement or prosecutorial action was taken against the individual. Instead, ATF leaders went out of their way to keep the information under the radar and ensure that the gun owner’s identity was “kept quiet,” according to law enforcement sources involved with the case. “Agents were told, in the process of taking the fully auto, not to anger the seller to prevent him from going public,” a veteran law enforcement official told Judicial Watch.

It’s not clear if the agency, which is responsible for cracking down on the illegal use and trafficking of firearms, did this because the individual was involved in the Fast and Furious gun-running scheme. (Read more from “Law Enforcement Sources: Gun Used in Paris Terrorist Attacks Came From Phoenix” HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

Why Americans Should Care About Attacks on Religious Liberty in Russia

/0 Comments/in , /by

There are troubling new developments in Russia. Russia’s parliament, the Federal Assembly, has just approved so-called anti-terrorism legislation that criminalizes free speech and that attacks religious liberty.

If President Vladimir Putin signs this into law in the coming weeks, it will be illegal for Christians to share their faith outside of a church building, as if faith is constrained by the four walls of a structure and belief to a single day of the week.

In some ways, this isn’t a surprise.

There’s a lot wrong with Russia. We are witnessing a rising authoritarianism in a declining state. Moscow routinely tramples the rights of press, assembly, speech, dissent, and national sovereignty.

Ask the families of murdered journalists. Ask student groups who face intimidation. Ask the political dissidents who fear imprisonment. Ask the Ukrainian people who fear being fully overrun.

Why is this happening?

Because Putin and his government cronies think they can make Russia great again by hoarding wealth, by abusing power, and by crushing any and all opposition. They strike a strongman pose but this is not real strength.

True strength is rooting in virtue: selflessness and sacrifice on behalf of the weak.

Putin is driven by cheap imitation and intimidation, more akin to bullying. Vice masked as virtue. We know that Russia’s offenses are many and egregious.

At the same time, Americans well understand that it is not our national calling—nor is it within our power—to attempt to right every wrong in a broken world.

But we should be clear about what is happening—as well as the fact that there is not an easy fix here. It is naive to hope that Russia can be reformed with reset buttons or with promises of future “flexibility.”

Instead we need to begin telling the truth about an increasingly aggressive actor in global affairs.

Again let me be explicit: The U.S. does not have a solemn obligation to make the world free, but we absolutely do have an obligation to speak on behalf of those who are made speechless in the dark corners of the globe.

This Russian law would be an affront to free people everywhere—at home and abroad—who believe that rights of conscience—the rights to free speech and to freedom of religion—are pre-political.

These freedoms do not ebb and flow with history. They do not rise and fall with the political fortunes of a despot.

Governments do not give us these rights and governments cannot take them away. These rights of speech and religion and assembly belong to every man, woman, and child because all of us are image-bearers of our creator.

I’m speaking tonight because this new Russian legislation is emblematic of a destructive growing nationalism and of a thirst for power that cannot be ignored.

Putin has a desire to squeeze down on civil society, on other venues for discussion and debate, and on other institutions outside of politics where human dignity can and should be expressed.

He has this desire because he is weak, not because he is strong. We here in this body, without regard to political party, and representing all 50 states, must be sober and clear-eyed about Russia.

We must become more sober and clearer-eyed about its hostilities and its dangerous trajectory. We have a duty here to be telling the truth early about where this might be headed. (For more from the author of “Why Americans Should Care About Attacks on Religious Liberty in Russia” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

U.N. Denies Knowledge of Military Trucks Labeled ‘U.N.’

/0 Comments/in , /by

The identity of the owner of the military-style trucks painted with the United Nations’ initials seen being transported through Virginia this week was narrowed on Wednesday. A little.

They most probably are owned by Afghanistan. Or Albania, Algeria, Andorra or Angola … or any of the rest of the 193 member states of the international organization. All the way through Zambia and Zimbabwe.

“These are not our vehicles. … We don’t have vehicles,” U.N. spokeswoman Ismini Palla told WND.

But she said it’s possible that a member state placed an order with an American manufacturer, and they simply were being transported to their new owner.

“I assume, and that’s a big assumption, that possibly there has been an agreement for the U.S. to manufacture, to produce these vehicles,” she said. (Read more from “U.N. Denies Knowledge of Military Trucks Labeled ‘U.N.'” HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

After Obama Speaks in Canada, Chant Erupts That Many Will Find Chilling

/0 Comments/in , , /by

Wrapping up his final months in office, President Obama made a trip to Canada’s Parliament Wednesday where he delivered a warm speech and praised the close relations between the U.S. and Canada.

The president also had kind words for Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, saying his fellow liberal has brought “new energy and hope” to relationships between the two nations.

“My time in office may be nearing an end, but I know that Canada and the world will benefit from your leadership in the years to come,” he said of Trudeau.

Trudeau had earlier introduced Obama by claiming the two had an ongoing “bromance,” remarking, “This House gets to see a bromance up close.”

Obama touched on some more serious matters as well, calling on Canada to carry its own weight internationally and especially in regards to NATO.

“As your NATO ally and your friend, let me say, we’ll be more secure when every NATO member, including Canada, contributes its full share to our common security,” Obama told Parliament. “Because the Canadian Armed Forces are really good. And if I can borrow a phrase, the world needs more Canada. NATO needs more Canada. We need you.”

According to Obama, the world order has become “increasingly strained” due to instability and inequality. He said he expects that “people will push back out of anger; out of fear,” but Obama expressed optimism for the future of market-based liberal economies.

At the conclusion of his speech, Obama was met with thunderous applause and chants of “four more years.”

His visit to Canada marks the first time since 1995 a sitting U.S. leader has visited the government body. Liberal and Conservative lawmakers returned from their summer break to witness Obama’s speech. (For more from the author of “After Obama Speaks in Canada, Chant Erupts That Many Will Find Chilling” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

WON’T YOU PLEASE HELP? We Must All Join Together to Find a Cure for Sudden Islamic Combustion Syndrome (SICS)

/0 Comments/in , /by

Political scientists at The New York Times and Vox are baffled by the thousands of recent incidents of a disease termed Sudden Islamic Combustion Syndrome (or “SICS”).

160628-sics-cure (1)

Voxsplainer and political commentator Ezra M. Klein III recently lobbied Congress to fund a worldwide effort, led by the United Nations, to find the root cause of SICS.

“We have yet to find a root cause or some underlying pattern that would explain why certain individuals suddenly detonate, killing individuals around them, often with oddly shaped pieces of metal that resemble nails and shrapnel,” said Klein.

“It’s imperative that we find a root cause, because there’s no discernible pattern to SICS. There’s no particular ideology, faith, or military cult packaged as a religion that we can tie back to the disease.”

In the mean time, The New York Times and Vox have teamed up to create a charitable foundation and slush fund that a spokesman said will devote a “significant percentage” of its revenue to finding a cure for SICS.

Contacted at her home in Chappaqua, Democrat presidential candidate Hillary Clinton supported the effort to research SICS and also stated that “gun control may be the answer.” (For more from the author of “WON’T YOU PLEASE HELP? We Must All Join Together to Find a Cure for Sudden Islamic Combustion Syndrome (SICS)” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.

New ISIS Video Threatens Attacks on Two Western American Cities

/0 Comments/in , /by

San Francisco and Las Vegas are the latest American cities threatened by ISIS in a video released by the terrorist group.

The video, which praises Orlando terrorist Omar Mateen and includes footage of the police response to the June 12 massacre at the Pulse nightclub, shows footage of the Golden Gate Bridge and several other San Francisco landmarks as well as the neon-drenched Las Vegas Strip at night.

The video also includes images of President Barack Obama with blood spattered on the screen, as well as images of Obama with French President Francois Hollande as flames close in on them.

It also includes footage taken by Larossi Abballa during a June 13 attack he made on a French police official. Abballa said he was obeying the directive of ISIS leaders to kill infidels in their homes.

According to The Inquisitr, the voice over with the video is “encouraging more attacks in San Francisco in the same vein as the Pulse incident in Orlando …”

The video also shows footage of the Council on American Islamic Relations, which it accuses of cooperating with the unbelievers.

Last week, in the wake of the Brexit vote, ISIS called for attacks on Brussels and Berlin to further destabilize Europe. Also last week, New York, Washington and Orlando were cited as possible ISIS targets.

The endless threats have many wanting swift retaliation.

“The time for political correctness is over,” wrote Leo Dunson on Conservative Daily Post. “We have to more vigilant during our travels and more observing of our environments. The Obama administration continues to ignore its top level advisers at the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security. ISIS is a serious threat that needs to be met by the full force of the United States Military and our Intelligence Agencies.” (For more from the author of “New ISIS Video Threaten Attacks on Two Western American Cities” please click HERE)

Follow Joe Miller on Twitter HERE and Facebook HERE.