WATCH: Vlad Putin Calls Sarah Palin in What Might End Up Being One of Your Favorite ‘Tonight Show’ Skits Ever

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In a seriously hilarious skit on “The Tonight Show” Wednesday, Russian President “Vladimir Putin” (Jimmy Fallon) called up former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to talk about her impressive 2008 prediction that he would invade Ukraine.

We don’t want to give too much away, but Palin also busts a flute solo and “President Barack Obama” gets caught trying to listen in on their phone call.

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Embarrassing: The Time TV Networks Said No to Obama

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Photo Credit: Townhall

Photo Credit: Townhall

Earlier this week President Obama announced 7.1 million Americans had “enrolled” (whatever the heck that means at this point) in Obamacare. He made the announcement in the Rose Garden at the White House complete with a roaring crowd.

But apparently, a Rose Garden announcement wasn’t what Obama really wanted. Instead, he asked the networks to put aside a primetime spot on Tuesday so he could announce the White House hit their enrollment goal number, the same goal the White House denied ever having. His request was denied….by everyone. Oof. Buzzfeed has the scoop:

White House officials sought valuable primetime air for a rare, impromptu Tuesday night address to tout the accomplishment of signing up more than 7 million people under the Affordable Care Act.

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Wealthy Man Who Pled Guilty to Raping His Young Daughter Gets Probation Because He Wouldn’t “Fare Well” in Prison

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Photo Credit: USA TODAY

Photo Credit: USA TODAY

A judge who sentenced a wealthy du Pont heir to probation for raping his 3-year-old daughter noted in her order that he “will not fare well” in prison and needed treatment instead of time behind bars, court records show.

Superior Court Judge Jan Jurden’s sentencing order for Robert H. Richards IV suggested that she considered unique circumstances when deciding his punishment for fourth-degree rape. Her observation that prison life would adversely affect Richards was a rare and puzzling rationale, several criminal justice authorities in Delaware said. Some also said her view that treatment was a better idea than prison is a justification typically used when sentencing drug addicts, not child rapists.

Richards’ 2009 rape case became public this month after attorneys for his ex-wife, Tracy, filed a lawsuit seeking compensatory and punitive damages for the abuse of his daughter.

The fact that Jurden expressed concern that prison wasn’t right for Richards came as a surprise to defense lawyers and prosecutors who consider her a tough sentencing judge. Several noted that prison officials can put inmates in protective custody if they are worried about their safety, noting that child abusers are sometimes targeted by other inmates.

“It’s an extremely rare circumstance that prison serves the inmate well,” said Delaware Public Defender Brendan J. O’Neill, whose office represents defendants who cannot afford a lawyer. “Prison is to punish, to segregate the offender from society, and the notion that prison serves people well hasn’t proven to be true in most circumstances.”

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12-Year-Old Girl’s Speech on Abortion Leaves Her “Pro-Choice” Teacher Speechless

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Photo Credit: LifeNews

Photo Credit: LifeNews

Lia Mills is a student pro-life activist who surprised her class with a moving speech on abortion that is so good it’s gone viral on the Internet.

“My daughter prepared and delivered this speech for her grade 7 class. Even those who didn’t agree with her loved it,” he mother says in a note accompanying the video on YouTube.

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A Love Letter to Barack Obama

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Photo Credit: IJ Review

Photo Credit: IJ Review

April Fool’s!

President Obama gets a lot of undeserved criticism from conservatives. He’s a well-intentioned guy who is doing the best he can, and I think it’s time I came clean about something that I’ve been hiding for a long time: I love the president. Here’s a love letter that best reflects how I feel.

Barack, I love that you always follow through with your promises. Like closing Guantanamo Bay, ending extraordinary rendition, terminating the “war on terror,” not using drones to kill innocent women and children, and not unconstitutionally carrying out wars on foreign nations like Libya. Even your “kill list” is pretty bad*ss.

I love how you respond to foreign policy crises with skill and aplomb: like your “flexibility” with Russia, for example. I love how you schmooze with dictators and take selfies at funerals. It’s just fantastic how everyone loves America now that you’re in charge.

I love how you play lots and lots of rounds of golf, are off doing more important things when our diplomats and troops are in harm’s way, run guns to Mexican drug cartels and fail to track them, leak intel secrets before the election, claim credit for the SEALs’ killing of bin laden and then declare Al Qaeda all but dead.

I love how you use the word “I” repeatedly, can’t give a speech without a teleprompter, make a big deal out of your NCAA brackets, go on niche comedy shows and hobnob with celebrities when you should be doing other things, skip out on intel briefings and jobs council meetings for months on end… I love it all. And I love you.

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WATCH: Gunman Invades Dollar General, Meets Concealed Carry Permit Holder

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Photo Credit: YouTube

Photo Credit: YouTube

Another story crosses our desk, courtesy of Rationality Rebooted. I’ve gone through a few reports of this story and it’s still not clear why Kevin Mclaughlin went into the Dollar General in Orrville, Alabama last week, but it certainly wasn’t to find a good deal on tube socks. He began shouting and waving a gun around, herding customers and an employee into a back room. Things were looking bad, but that’s when he ran into Marlo Ellis.

One person is dead after a customer at the Dollar General in Orrville began shouting and waving his gun in the air.

Dallas County Sheriff Harris Huffman said the incident appeared to be a case of self-defense and no one has been arrested in connection with the shooting Thursday afternoon.

The incident occurred when Dallas County resident Kevin Mclaughlin entered Dollar General reportedly waving a pistol in the air, Huffman said. Mclaughlin then ushered a group of people inside the store into a break room.

“It appears that once the cashier got inside the break room, a customer that was walking into the break room shot the individual, the white male, with the pistol,” Huffman said. “There was only one shot fired and that shot struck the individual with the pistol causing the disturbance.”

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EPA Agents Raid Ammunition Company On Alleged ‘Environmental Violations’

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Photo Credit: Daily Caller

Photo Credit: Daily Caller

Environmental Protection Agency and FBI agents raided the ammunition company USA Brass over alleged “environmental violations” early Thursday morning.

NBC Montana was tipped off by witnesses that federal investigators were there until at least 4 a.m. on Thursday. Federal agents could be seen going through the company’s building and taking items to a truck parked outside. EPA lead criminal investigator Bert Marsden said that the agency was looking into alleged “environmental violations” by USA Brass.

“We are investigating alleged violations of environmental law,” Marsden said on Thursday. “An investigation takes as long as it takes, and I can’t provide any details as it relates to that.”

“I can make a statement that there is no immediate threat to the public or the community at this time,” said Marsden.

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Islamic Group Gets Go-Ahead to Cut Crosses Off NY Church

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Photo Credit: AP

Photo Credit: AP

A city board on Thursday gave a Muslim group the go-ahead to remove six crosses from the roof and spires of a century-old former Catholic church so the now-vacant Gothic structure can be used as a mosque.

More than 200 people had signed an online petition calling on the Syracuse Landmark Preservation Board to deny an application by North Side Learning Center, the church’s new owner, to remove the crosses and build a six-foot chain-link fence.

Before the vote to allow the church alterations, Chairman Don Radke said the board cannot interfere with a decision that involves religious freedom.

About a dozen people who spoke at the meeting were evenly divided for and against the church conversion, The Post-Standard reported.

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Pin Drop! Obama Lawyer Stuns Supreme Justice

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Photo Credit: WND

Photo Credit: WND

By Greg Corombos.

In a dramatic moment at the Supreme Court Tuesday, Solicitor General Donald Verrilli told justices that U.S. business owners have no religious freedom to reject government mandates forcing them to cover abortions.

Justices and lawyers also sparred over whether businesses actually have religious freedom and whether striking down the Obamacare mandate makes women second-class citizens.

The notable abortion exchange between Verrilli and Justice Anthony Kennedy came during oral arguments in Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood Specialties v. Sebelius, two cases linked by the companies’ owners objecting to the Department of Health and Human Services requirement that businesses fully cover the contraception costs for their employees. That mandate includes coverage of abortafacient drugs, also known as the “morning-after pill.”

Family Research Council Senior Fellow for Legal Studies Cathy Ruse was in the gallery during oral arguments and said that was the most remarkable moment in the court session Tuesday.

“This was actually the most exciting part of the oral argument this morning, when Justice Kennedy asked the government’s lawyer, ‘So under your argument, corporations could be forced to pay for abortions, that there would be no religious claim against that on the part of the corporation. Is that right?’ And the government’s attorney said yes,” Ruse said.

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Photo Credit: WND

Photo Credit: WND

Company Owners Refuse To ‘Sacrifice Our Obedience To God’

By Alana Cook.

Advocates of religious freedom and family values who had gathered outside the Supreme Court today greeted the Hahn and Green families of Conestoga Wood Specialties and Hobby Lobby as they came to the building’s snow-capped steps to give statements after the court heard oral arguments in their high-profile cases.

“Rather than sacrifice our obedience to God, my family, the Green family, and many others have chosen to take a stand to defend life and freedom against government coercion,” declared Anthony Hahn, CEO of Conestoga Wood Specialties, a Mennonite.

The two cases, Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby Stores Inc. and Conestoga Wood Specialties Corp. v. Sebelius, challenge the Affordable Care Act’s mandate that employers provide a health-care insurance plan that includes no-cost access to all forms of contraception, including emergency abortifacients such as Plan B and ella.

“We didn’t choose this fight,” Hahn said. “Our families would have been happy to just continue providing good jobs and generous health-care benefits. But the government forced our hand.”

Hahn said the “choice that the government has forced on us is out of step with the history of our great nation founded on religious freedom.”

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Eleven Dumbest Common Core Problems

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Photo Credit: National Review

Photo Credit: National Review

The Common Core State Standards Initiative is widely denounced for imposing confusing, unhelpful experimental teaching methods, involving test problems that lack essential information and sometimes make no sense whatsoever.

Some 45 states and the District of Columbia have so far adopted Common Core standards, leaving students all around the United States to puzzle over Common Core’s mysterious logic and language.

Here are eleven Common Core–compliant problems that have caused parents, students, and even teachers to scratch their heads or respond in outrage:

1. Starting with an easily solvable problem, New York takes the simple “7+7″ and complicates it with something called “number bonds.”

Common Core 1

2. Not willing to ruin addition alone, Common Core takes aim at subtraction as well, forcing students to make visual representations of numbers in columns.

Common Cor 2.

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